


Believe In Miracles

by impudent_strumpet



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Aftermath, Anger, Angst, Azure Blue Paler Than the Sky, Breakup, Breakups are hard, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Compliant, Canon Gay Character, Canon Het Relationship, Complicated Relationships, Crying, Deus Ex Machina, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Frustration, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, I thought of this in the shower, Introspection, Late at Night, Lols, Loneliness, Lots of Crying, Lots of Thinking, Love Triangles, Misunderstandings, Musing, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Sadness, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Thinking, episode 29, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 06:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12006546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impudent_strumpet/pseuds/impudent_strumpet
Summary: "Believe in miracles, and they will know your feelings.""Believe...in miracles...and they will know your...!""More than anyone...more than anyone else, I..."But she couldn't say it then. She couldn't even think it now.





	Believe In Miracles

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyyyy, people who read my fan fiction who may or may not exist! Dang, it's been a while since I uploaded something here...see my DeviantArt https://strongbutgentle.deviantart.com/journal/ for what I've been up to.
> 
> Completely random and spur-of-the-moment one-shot I came up with, in the shower, of course XD Then I essentially just spewed out whatever popped into my head without even caring :D Takes place mid-Episode 29.
> 
> I also liked referencing a little of the idea of Shiori thinking she's defiled forever by Ruka having sex with her and then dumping her, in a sort of "fallen woman" sense, especially since RGU seems to have some medieval-ish themes :D
> 
> Though this doesn't need a filter, warning for a light reference to contemplated suicide.
> 
> Turns out I ended up using dialogue from both the sub I had seen (uploaded by Nozomient) and the script online of Ep 28 at ohtori.nu since I didn't remember it all ^^;
> 
> ...I think this is actually my first completed fan fiction for Revolutionary Girl Utena... o_o I started one before this a long time ago, but haven't finished it...or touched it, in a while XD 
> 
> Enjoy~

_"Believe in miracles, and they will know your feelings."_  
  
_"Believe...in miracles...and they will know your...!"_  
  
_"More than anyone...more than anyone else, I..."_  
  
But she couldn't say it then. She couldn't even think it now.  
  
In the shadows she's hiding in, curled up in despair, she can barely even face the window, the outside world, beyond the drawn curtains, such a vast, bright scope where she knows what all of her classmates are talking about. She can barely even look past her own dull strands of plum hair that hang in front of her, or the tears that fill her eyes. She doesn't care about that. She doesn't care that it's too damn hot and stifling in her room from the curtains being drawn. She doesn't care that the nightgown she still has on probably needs a wash. She doesn't care that her eyes are swollen and sore from crying. She doesn't care that her head is pounding and her stomach aching, from crying and from having not eaten at all yet today. Shiori has always been one of those people who can't eat when they're upset, so she definitely can't now. She doesn't care about anything now.  
  
Gods, that such pain could exist...this was such agony, that she didn't even know could be real... She gasped sharply as it pierced her again. She wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even...  
  
She hasn't gone to class at all today. She doesn't care about that. Maybe she won't tomorrow, either. Who cares even if she eventually is expelled for poor attendance? There's nothing left for her. There is nothing she excels at, she has no aspirations, he was her future and the one for her and then he threw her away. He took her  _purity_ , for gods' sake, then he left her alone, broken and fallen and soiled. No one would take her now.  
  
And the whole school had seen, the  ** _entire friggin' school_**  had gathered 'round to see what was going on, boys and girls in their white and cyan uniforms crowded around, filling the hallways and grounds and peering over the shoulders of each other like some strange new specimen had popped up on campus. They made no move to help her or defend her or do anything, none, each and every one just stood there staring in fascination as it unfolded and Shiori herself fell apart.  
  
Though, Shiori has to admit to herself, defeatedly, that she hadn't done much for herself then.  
  
She  _couldn't_. She had been so  _desperate_ , so frantic, this was the boy who had taken her at such a sad and lonely time and made her feel more powerful, more special, more beautiful than she ever had! And now he was leaving her! And for what?  _Nothing_ , that was it, she thought in frustration. It wasn't her fault they had lost the duel! It had just...happened! These things happen! She had never dueled before, even if she was so close to Tsuchiya-senpai then, and Tenjou Utena was said to be a formidable opponent.  
  
But he knew she had lied. He knew. She hadn't been polishing his sword since he had left school, of course. She hadn't even been going to Ohtori that long. She thought he didn't know that, but he did. And he used it against her. Maybe, even, there had been no one polishing his sword all along in the first place. Maybe it was all just a lie. More tears welled up in Shiori's eyes at the thought. She squeezed her eyes shut, and they dripped down her cheeks. He had lied to her as she had to him. Yet, somehow, a piece of her knew she deserved it.  
  
But she  _needed_  him, she had needed  _someone_  then,  _anyone_  who could lift her up even just a little. So she latched onto him, and she stayed latched onto him when he threatened to leave her, grabbed onto his arm and clung to him like a vice, pulling frantically but futilely at him and pleading him not to leave her. She knew she wasn't making this any better for herself, she knew she was embarrassing herself.  _Stop it, you pathetic fool, have some dignity,_  she berated herself internally then.  
  
The voice within her, the voice of herself, had always been a harsh one. But not unduly, Shiori now realized.  
  
But that had only made her even more distraught, knowing she was making a spectacle of herself and the whole school was watching, while Tsuchiya-senpai remained solidly where he stood, in place and by his words.  
  
It was then, after those cold and unaffected words of his, that she felt her own break away and fall apart in her mind and trail off as they left her lips. Because she knew they weren't true, then. She knew what Tsuchiya-senpai had known all along.  
  
He had slipped his arm free of her loosened grasp then and walked away, well and truly leaving her. Shiori could just feel the foundation of her respect and esteem for herself crumble then, so her legs gave out and she fell to her knees. Knowing she had nothing to lose, she broke down and sobbed, right then and there.  
  
Then  _she_  had walked by.  
  
When Shiori finally looked up, there she was. Even through that sea of white and cyan uniforms, Shiori spotted her. She could tell that curling fiery hair, crisp white student council uniform, and imposing gait anywhere.  
  
That brilliantly shining, cursedly beautiful, impossible, unattainable girl that Shiori so hated but so loved at the same time. Who would not help her or even pay her any notice now. But who Shiori would not run crying to or cling to anyways, if that's how she wanted to be. She still would not be a collapsed, ruined, crying mess in front of someone always so poised and almost regal in bearing.  
  
Neither of them would come to her now. Not the boy who had meant so much to her, even for support and even if it had all been a lie, or the friend she had loved for so long. They had not so far, nor had any of those who Shiori had called her friends. Some friends they were. She's called Tsuchiya-senpai over and over again, but of course he hasn't picked up. She was completely and terribly alone now, she knew as she wiped away the tears that soaked her cheeks.  
  
She couldn't even stand the pain. It was too much, too real, too sharp. How could such terrible pain exist? Death would be easier. Shiori knows there's nothing left for her, no one left anyways. She searches through her desk drawers for...something she thought she had...  
  
Then a knock sounds at her door.  
  
Relief washes so hard over Shiori she thinks she'll collapse right then and there. She takes a few deep breaths, then makes her way to the door.  
  
_Gods, please let it be Tsuchiya-senpai..._  she thinks desperately.  
  
She opens it a crack.  
  
No.  
  
It's  **her**.  
  
Shiori normally wouldn't be caught dead looking as disheveled and haggard as she does now in front of Juri looking so sleek and polished and pristine, but at the same time she doesn't care. She glares at her through the crack in the doorway between them.  
  
"Juri-san, so it's you. What do you want?" she demands, frowning deeply.  
  
"Shiori--" Juri starts, in that low voice of hers that always seems to soften when she talks to Shiori.  
  
Shiori cuts her off anyways, despite how high and shrill and tinny her voice sounds to herself by comparison, feeling her heart pounding and the anger burning within at just that one word. "You came to laugh at me and feel all superior, didn't you?!" She's practically screaming already.  
  
"I would never--"  
  
Shiori hears Juri say this, but she rages on, though at the same time a certain sadness pangs her inside and she feels her hand twisting the doorknob, the chain rattling between them. "You get worse and worse every day! Did you expect me to cry on your shoulder?! Too bad, I'm not going to do what you want!"  
  
She's had enough and slams the door shut then, against Juri and against everything. She leans her back on it and slides to the floor, breaking down in tears again.  
  
Despite herself now, though, she's thinking of Juri. She remembers leaning against Tsuchiya-senpai's locker, on the day he had discovered her, wondering to herself if it was his picture in Juri's locket. The thought stings even now. It's supposed to be hers in there...she can't place why she thinks that, but somehow she just knows it...  
  
She sighs heavily. She knew Juri must have been in love with Tsuchiya-senpai when she saw her looking at him that way at fencing practice, and especially when Juri had approached her in the classroom then...  
  
That was just it. That was what had drawn her to Tsuchiya-senpai. He was physically attractive, definitely, but Shiori hadn't even noticed until she saw the way Juri had watched him then, at fencing practice, and that pang of suspicion had hit her. She had wanted to be alone with her thoughts that evening in the locker room, as the sun set in its fiery red glow, reminding Shiori eerily of  _her_ , she was sure the fencing team had left for the night, but then...  
  
She can't think of it anymore. She can't think of  _that_. It brings her nothing but more tears and pain.  
  
She breathes in and out, if only to slow the flow of her tears and cool the burning sadness within her. Looking up, she notices the vase of orange roses on her desk, glowing brightly in the sunlight that shines on them through the crack between the curtains.  
  
She can't stop thinking, as much as she desperately wants to. She keeps forcing him out of her mind, though, and returning to Juri. Always returning to her.  
  
But there must be a reason for that... There has to be, and for why Juri came to see her when no one else did...it was to laugh in her face and feel superior, Shiori tells herself...but...maybe...  
  
She can't place it, but she can feel something pulling her...  
  
She takes another few breaths. Maybe if she washes up, gets dressed, and tidies up her hair, she'll feel a little lighter and better. She has to get out of here too already, but...still, she can't be seen...  
  
She remembers the three chairs.


End file.
